Violated

Everyone thinks they had a hard life, yet I swear  most couldn't walk in my childhood  shoes! People wonder why I'm so quiet and why I'm so private but the things I've been through caused me to be this way. I always asked myself why me and how could they, but I never got the answer. It didn't just happen once it happen several times. And no I was not one of those fast girls but I did trust easy. I let my guard down but who would've thought a family member or friend of the family would take advantage of me at a young age. See I was raised different. I was raised to to show love and to be kind, to respect my elders no matter what and to do as I was told. But I knew something was wrong when his hands went a little too far.

 See he was my older cousin, first cousin at that and we practically grew up together so he was more like a brother in my eyes but I guess he didn't feel that way. I had just turned 7 and him and I were playing as usual in my room when he first made a move. He said he wanted to play this new game and told me I would like it. So him being older and that I trusted him so I went along with the rules but I knew something was off when he kept touching me in a way I never felt before. I asked him to stop a few times but he told me it's too late to stop since we already started playing. Before I knew it his hand were in my pants and he was touching something only my mom, the doctor and I have seen. Once he was done he left and I cried my eyes out. My mom ran into the room and asked what happen I told her I tripped and fell. I knew I should've said something then but I didn't. I didn't want to cause any drama so I kept our little secret to myself. 

A few years later it happened again with another family member but this time it was a female my aunt. My own aunt touched me in places that any other women beside my mom should not have. And mind you I loved my aunt but how could my moms own sister lick and suck on me. And again once it was over  I cried my eyes out and again I lied to my mom. Within the next three years it happened to me again from another male and two more females. And these were the people that I considered my family. They knew me way before my mom gave birth to me but yet these people have destroyed me in ways you cannot imagine. And even though I'm an adult now my heart breaks every time I think about the times where I was violated by the people I loved and thought who would always protect me. I wish I would've told my mom the first or the second time it happened but I didn't and till this day she doesn't know. I couldn't bring myself up to telling her that's these so called people she trusted around me raped me on several different occasions and she never knew. Have I gotten over this no how could I, could you? Do I hate these people yes, but I look at my mom differently too! How could she not know these peoples other side? How could she not have seen the signs within me of changing and not because I want to but because I had to. See I've been dealt with a bad deck of cards called life way before I even knew what to do with it. 

Everyone has a past and yet escaping our past becomes harder and harder everyday because it has sharpened who we are. And as much as I tried my skeletons seem to continue to haunt me so don't think you're alone because you're not. Being touched at an early age is more common then you think but do not do what I could not do, tell. Expose these monsters for who they really are. Don't keep allowing them to rip another person's innocence. This skeleton was overdue to be taken out of my closet maybe now I can overcome that part of my life.